Hey everybody,

In amongst all the school work I’ve been facing I have been toying with a blurb for Cleo’s Journal. Let me know what you think.

Blurb:

“Sixteen-year-old Cleopatra Stevens thought she had seen the worst of the virus when she watches one of her teachers die. Then she learns the truth. The virus creates zombies. She manages to survive alone for several days before she is saved by other survivors. She believes the rescue is the answer to all her problems, but it complicates things quickly. Not only is her crush, Gabriel Wilson, among the other survivors, but she meets River Hughs. The situation becomes worse when the leader of the compound shows interest in her and she learns that her father is one of the undead. She will have to make a choice between the safety of her friends and family and her own safety? But can she give up everything that is important to her to make the right choice?”

Now I am off to write a annotated bibliography and edit Day 7. Wish me luck.

Go to Cleopatra’s Journal 

 

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Comments
  1. I like the blurb and how you did make it a data dump – an error I admit I am prone to. Short and concise with enough hooks to attract readers. I noticed that you used full names. Was this on purpose or just something that you typed?

    I believe that mentioning your main character by full name is good as that lets new readers learn a little about the character. But for side characters such as River, I would have just used the first name and left the surname out.

    That way prospective readers are left asking River who? Who is this River person? You did a good job by just interjecting River and leaving her role in the story vague (lover, friend, enemy, etc).

  2. Oops can’t edit my post! Mea culpa! I meant I liked how you did NOT make it a data dump. An error I am prone to make.

    • Cat Reyes says:

      Don’t worry about it, it’s all good. Thanks for the tips about Gabriel and River, I will take their last names out, you are right, I need to have readers wonder who they are. 🙂

    • Cat Reyes says:

      Hey, dumb question, should I leave the sentence about the leader of the compound alone or should I state the leader’s name. I have a feeling people are going to associate River with the leader since his name is last.

      • I assumed River and the leader of the compound were connected. Perhaps last names would help alleviate that confusion if it exists. Or maybe state that the leader is not related to River somehow.

      • Cat Reyes says:

        That’s what I thought. I need to clarify the sentence with Gabriel and River, and then clarify the sentence about the head of the compound (Melvin Melburn). I guess it’s back to the drawing board. Maybe something like: “She quickly finds herself the center of attention for three men, one of whom runs the compound.”

      • “She quickly finds herself the center of attention for three men” might sound like some kinky quad sex act so be careful how the men’s attention is focused on her.

        Good luck with the rewrite. I look forward to the results.

      • Cat Reyes says:

        Good point. Thanks for you help. I think I have a way to clarify the misunderstanding. Remove the sentence about Gabriel and River. That should do it. (When in doubt, remove the offending comment. LOL)

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