Hair Care and the Zombie Apocalypse

Posted: January 6, 2014 by Cat Reyes in Other Thoughts, Survival, Zombie
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There is one thing I have a definite love/hate relationship with: My hair. A lot of people have complimented me on how thick it is and how shiny, on down the line. More often than not, the times that I get the compliments I am on hate terms with my hair. Don’t ask me how that works.

Now, as I have been going through everything I can find on zombies to come up with my own stance on these interesting creatures, I have come across several recommendations about hair. Of these, the most common recommendation I have seen is to cut your hair off.

If you are like me, that is a near impossibility. So, I have been thinking along the lines of hair care during a zombie apocalypse. In all my time watching movies and reading books on the zombapoc, I have yet to see a zombie use a woman’s hair as a tool for dragging her closer, or keeping her in place. This may simply be because I have a) not seen enough zombie movies, or b) not read enough zombie books.

But my thought on this is that zombies don’t think. (Unless you deal with the ones that will come later on in Cleo’s journals.) They don’t realize that hair can be used in that way. However, if you are seriously considering cutting your hair, you may wish to consider some of the options below beforehand.

1. Braid it. Yes, braid it. Now, I know you are thinking that, “wouldn’t this just give the zombies something better to hold on to?” Technically, yes. But until we meet some intelligent zombies, it won’t matter. Besides, I’m not done yet. If you braid your hair, start with a french braid, this shortens it more than if you just do a typical braid. The next step, especially in cool weather, is to put the tail between your shirt and jacket/sweater. Another possibility is to tie/tape it to your neck to keep it from swaying about. Think of it as a zombapoc necklace if you decide to take this step.

2. Bun it. Yep, wrap it up into a bun on your head. This can be useful because you can hide weapons in it. If you come across raiders, the fact of the matter is that they won’t typically check a woman’s hair for weapons. This can be a total god-send in such a circumstance. Even things that wouldn’t normally be considered dangerous or useful can become a life saver depending on the circumstances. Bobby-pins can become keys. Chop-sticks can be used to stab humans and zombies. And if you are really creative, chop-sticks could be modified to hide a razor blade, kinda like those pen razors.

And don’t forget that what you use to keep the hair in bun (or even braid) form, could be a potential weapon. Take, for instance, a thin metal necklace or wire. If used functionally, then its just a matter of pulling it from your hair to use as a garrote or ligature. This may not be very effective against zombies unless your intention is to pull its head off, which would take a huge amount of strength, but it could end up being useful in other ways.

3. By cutting it, you are more likely to become cold or hot. This is something that guys don’t normally have a problem with. Most of the guys I know wear some form of hat to prevent themselves from becoming too cold or hot, so if you do decide to cut your hair, this could be a viable option. However, my point is that women with longer hair are used to having it as a weather barrier. For survival, sometimes even a little thing like hair can make a difference between life and death.

4. Long hair itself can be useful. Let’s say you’re stuck in the mountains in winter. No zombies are around and you need to warm up, but there is nothing dry nearby. It may smell foul, but hair can be used as a good fire-starter (if its not too oily). If you have no way to store weapons in your hair, or if the raiders actually think of checking it, then you still have one weapon left. You hair, itself. Sounds strange, doesn’t it. Remember my mention of a garrote? Well, hair can be used the same way if you grab a hank that is neither too thick nor too thin. This can be awkward, but it could be done.

I can’t remember now where I saw it, but there was a movie with a woman who had extremely long hair that she kept in a braid. For the truly creative individual, what she did, could be used as an option. The woman in question attached a weight to her hair and used her hair as a whip. Again, this could be awkward, but with enough practice, it could be dead useful (forgive the pun).

Now, let’s say that you wish to keep your hair. How do you keep it clean? Actually, that would be surprisingly easy. Anywhere you find sand and water, you have potential to clean your hair. It may be gritty for a while afterward, but sand can strip the oils from the hair. Use it the same way you use shampoo. Other things to use that you may already carry are acidic juices, baking powder (also can be used for deodorant and toothpaste), vinegar, and beer. Yes, beer.

If you decide that your hair could be too much work, then feel free to cut it. Just remember to consider all possible options before you do. 🙂


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